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There are a few things you don’t see in well-behaved children, so getting compliments about how well behaved my kids are tend to make me uncomfortable.
Originally posted August 2014
The kids are sitting in church, quietly. Coloring in notebooks, or taking notes. They walk with the buggy at Aldi’s and use quiet voices in the library. Sometimes as parents, we get compliments on our children’s behavior. These comments, tend to make me uncomfortable. Why? Because there are a few things you don’t see in well-behaved children.
The Work it Took to Train Them
It is hard to teach children to behave. We all disobey and break the rules at some point, so we cannot expect any less of our children. Our choice is how we handle it. Sometimes, it is easier to give into our children in the moment instead of taking the time to train them. But, there is fruit in staying strong and persistent. Putting them in time out over and over again will pay off. Staying firm in teaching our children to listen in church, to pick up their toys, to not speak unless spoken too (in certain environments), to sit quietly at the doctor’s office, will pay off. Well-behaved kids do not happen overnight. It is exhausting. I encourage you that if you get frustrated with your children you are not alone if you get embarrassed sometimes you are not alone, just keep on keeping on and one day you will see the fruit of your labor.
The Misbehavior that took place RIGHT before you complimented them
I always laugh when I go to the doctor’s office because EVERY time the nurse or doctor comes in and says they can’t believe how quiet the kids are. What they don’t see is the fact that my youngest was usually climbing like a wild man right before he came in. He just runs to the chair as soon as the door opens. One time the librarian was in the middle of commenting on how polite the girls were when I heard a crash. It was my toddler, covered in dirt. He had been playing in the nice potted tree in the children’s area.
Kids will be kids, and well-behaved kids are not always that well-behaved. I have had to take children kicking and screaming out of the store before (hard work), but when we walked right back in, they were acting a lot better.
The Doubts the Mom has That She is Doing it Right
Every mom regardless of how her children act is probably wondering deep down if she is doing it right. Sometimes I think I am too hard on my kids. Yes, for the most part, they are well-behaved, but I also wonder if I don’t put too much pressure on them. I wonder if someday my kids aren’t going to rebel because I didn’t let them take an iPod to church, or because I made them sit and listen to the sermon. I wonder if they are going to get their own apartment someday and never wash a dish because I made them clean up after themselves when they were little (I really did that, my first apartment was a disaster). All moms have doubts, and all moms compare themselves, and their children to others. Whether this is right, or wrong we all do it or have done it at some point in our lives.
So, the next time you are walking through the store and you see a well-behaved child. Remember, there are also things you don’t see. That mom has put in a lot of hard work, that child has misbehaved at some point, and that mom is doubting herself. No mom is perfect, and no child is always well-behaved!
One tool that we have been using to help our kids in character and life training is Skill Trek! A great program to help fill in those gaps 🙂
The best way to go about this is to know your child well so you can be the one to decide which ones would work for your child and which ones will not.
Yes! NO parent just wakes up one day with well behaved kids. It is SO MUCH WORK! Thanks for your comment 🙂 I am so glad you liked the post!
I really loved this post! I have two little boys (almost 6 and almost 3). You are so right! There are good days and bad days. I have people at church ask me how I get them to behave so well, and inside I’m laughing my head off. They are really good kids, but as you said, it’s not by chance! I always hate it when other parents say I’m lucky that I have such good kids. I’m not lucky! It’s from being consistent and working with them every single day. I feel like a failure more days than not, but when I tuck my 5 yr old into bed and listen to him pray his little tender heart out I sit there and bawl and thank God. We are doing our best, and with God’s help we will make it! I believe they are going to be fine men one of these days! Thank you for putting it out there like it is. We are all works in progress! Parents and kiddos. Loving life <3
I know right? I just want to laugh in their face. #noclue
Shhhh. This is so true, my oldest is three. The last few months after been a vicious cycle of temper tantrums. I worry that cracking down on him will crush his spirit but I know we can’t give in..so exhausting. But when we are out everyone tells me how good they are. I’m usually rolling my eyes inside.
Yes, it is!
Lol. Getting your kids to a certain point takes a lot of time and patience. In the end it is all well worth it.
YES!! It drives me nuts. To me that is undermining my parenting. That is undermining the work that we are trying so hard to do. It is undermining the progress we have made with our children. Thanks for sharing 🙂
What bothers me is when people see me parenting and try to get involved by saying things like “oh he’s fine, or she’s not bothering me” . I feel like it just sends a mixed message to the child. People tell me my kids are good a lot, but they aren’t that way by chance. Not saying I’m always right, but being consistent is a big part of that. If I tell my chikd to sit down in our booth and leave the booth behind us alone, or if I tell my child to stop interrupting , it’s not about the adult, it’s about me teaching my child that manners are important and showing them that the rules don’t change just because we’re in front of other people.
Hi Hannah! I am SO grateful for my children, and I love it when the behave. Believe me! However, I am just as grateful for my children when they are not behaving. The point of the post was not to undermine the fact that they do sometimes behave, but to point out that even well behaved children are NOT always like that. I have been the mom on the OTHER side of the fence just as many times.
Wow…sounds like someone should just be grateful for kids who ARE behaving and listening, even if it’s not 24/7. Maybe you’d feel alot more encouraged if you took compliments as what they are….COMPLIMENTS. and be grateful your children actually listen and behave themselves in public enough to get compliments- not whispers and stares and negative comments. I understand the difficulty – I have 2 littles of my own and sometimes dread taking them both someplace by myself. But when someone compliments them or me, it humbles me and makes me so proud they are my kids and how good they really are. I’m not nitpicking the timing of the compliment or downplaying it with my own insecurities or begrudgingly accepting it because it was so much work getting to that point.
Yes!! Thank you so much 🙂 You are so kind!
Keep up the good work! I remember those doubts well, but my rule of thumb was what would I like to see in other children that would keep my experience a happy one. (Especially when eating out.) My five kids now talk about the “good old days” when they would get dessert if they got complimented by an outsider. Stay strong. Stay consistent. You’re doing a good job!
I’ve gotten so many compliments on my kids, but as you said, they don’t see the huge amount of work and other misbehavior that happens when they are not looking.
Oh yes there is!
Yep! My kids get plenty of compliments too, and I always think “you should have seen them five minutes ago” or “that’s because you didn’t hear my whispering threats into their ear the entire time!” lol. There’s always so much more than what meets the eye, isn’t there? 🙂
Your welcome! I agree that parenting is super hard, but very rewarding! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Excellent post and you hit all three points spot on. Parenting is the hardest (job) in the world and the most rewarding. AND the one in which we doubt ourselves the most, as well. When I get those compliments, I’m always wont to say, “aww, shucks”. But darn it, I did do (some) of that…and it wasn’t always (isn’t always) easy. I am also blessed that over all, my kiddo is pretty darn okay 😉 most days, lol. They (the world) get the fruits of our (team effort) labor and we are works in progress as we continue teaching her how to become the amazing young woman I know she is…
Thanks for this, a reiteration and a joy to read 🙂
Totally understand and agree! I think as moms regardless of how we parent we are going to second guess ourselves.
Thanks for stopping by 🙂
My first apartment was a disaster too. I’m glad it wasn’t just me. 😀 It wasn’t until my daughter was born that I really shaped up and re-learned how to manage a household…
But I agree about your worries. I also get a lot of compliments on my daughter’s behavior, but I worry that I am being too strict, then when I loosen up I worry she will run wild because there is less structure – she is an amazingly bright child and I worry that I am going to mess her up. *breathes into paper bag*
Motherhood is so full of pressure, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. When she smiles and says my name, it’s like it’s all going to be okay. Hopefully. 😉
Thank you! Yes, my kids do the exact same thing….it’s like it’s in their manual or something 😉
This is too true. I have days that people compliment me and I probably look at them like they said it in Chinese. It usually happens when we’re out and I’m at my wits end with their behavior. They are normally great at home, and then monkeys at the supermarket. Parenting is fun, but really hard work sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this past week with the SHINE Blog Hop! 🙂
Thank you for the nice comments! Our 2nd one gave us a run for our money too. And after 2 girls, my son def keeps me on my toes!
I’m stopping by from the Pin It Party. 🙂 It’s good to see a fellow mama keepin’ it real! I used to think parenting was somewhat easy until the Lord humbled me with our second child – a complete opposite from our firstborn, easy-going, easily trained son. Now we have four and it’s clear to me that all children are works-in-progress, just as parents are, too. Way to encourage others with the truth!
Jen @ Being Confident of This
Your welcome! Thanks for commenting and sharing 🙂
Love it! Thank you for this post! So very encouraging! Pinning
“I’ve trained my children not to annoy me”, Lol! I love it! That’s me to a “T”.
Words of truth! I wrote a similar post last year where I boiled my children’s (mostly good) public behavior down to four main points. Point one was “They’re faking it, because you’re watching. We’re a normal family with normal children who sometimes misbehave”. I have a friend who thinks I’m the most patient woman alive, fact is I’m only about half as patient as her. Which is why I’ve trained my children to not annoy me! LOL!
YES! I have had friends with no kids tell me how to parent….I’m just like-REALLY? Lol! Thanks for the comment!
Thank you! My worst “My kids are heathens” days are when we go to the grocery store. Sadly, those are the days we get the MOST compliments and unsolicited advice 😉
I loved this!!!! It’s always hard for me when people with no children or just one very obedient child talk about how easy it is to have well behaved children! It’s a ton of hard work, and some kids are harder on parents than others!
Loved, loved, loved this Misty!
I don’t do well with the parenting compliments either… I usually force a smile and say, “We’re a work in progress.”
I rarely feel like my kids are well-behaved. Maybe it’s because I’m with them 24/7 but sometimes they drive me crazy so it makes hearing and accepting these compliments a bit challenging.
Thanks for sharing. I couldn’t agree with you more!
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo