.jpg)
We had only been married a few months when I realized something awful about my husband. He had flaws. He chewed loudly, left his shoes in places where I tripped over them, and had funny quirks (like right and left foot socks….). These imperfections were okay at first, but the longer we were married the more annoying they became.
So, I started keeping notes, and pointing them out. I mean after all he could change those things right? I mean he loved ME he could change for ME. However, the more and more I nitpicked the worse our relationship got.
Then one day he looked at me and said,
“You know what, I love you in spite of your imperfections. Can’t you do the same for me?”
I responded with “What flaws? What do I do that annoys you?”.
“I could name them, but I won’t. Because I love you, unconditionally.” He replied back, and walked away.
It was at that moment that I realized I was in an imperfect marriage. Neither of us was perfect, and even though he didn’t vocalize my imperfections, I had them. And as he said, he loved me, in spite of them. Couldn’t I do the same for him?
A marriage is the joining together of two people, it is a relationship built on love and respect. Yet too often we have high expectations of marriage that leave us feeling discontented. We expect perfection, we expect a fairy tale, yet are left with real life. So, how can find joy in an imperfect marriage?
Choose Happiness
Marriage is not easy, it is work. You have to choose to stay married to that person for the rest of your life. You have to choose to be happy, and to fight for your relationship and not against it.
Change Your Response
Instead of pointing out the flaws, embrace them. It may drive me crazy that he leaves his shoes in places where I can trip over them, but after an unexpected accident last year, I am even more grateful that they are there for me to trip over. I can change my response to his flaws and imperfections, and embrace them instead. Why? Because I love him, and life with him is so much better than the alternative.
Admit Your Imperfections
Ladies, we all have imperfections. Every single one of us. Yet, our husbands choose to love us anyway. Can’t we do the same for them? Marriage is a commitment to love each other, for better or worse. And too many times my husband gets the worst of me! And, I see the worst of him. We are two imperfect people, who God has joined together.
Finding joy in your husband’s imperfections might not sound romantic, but think about it. You and your spouse have made this commitment, to work together, learn together and grow together, day after day. You are a team. You are making a choice to love each other in spite of your imperfections. You are choosing to find joy in an imperfect marriage. That sounds like true love to me 🙂 .
What is one way you have found joy in an imperfect marriage?
Thank you so much for sharing this post. It is so important to remember our own flaws before we start throwing stones. My husband and I have been married over 23 years now. There are good days and bad days. One thing that has helped our marriage is that almost 7 years ago we moved away from our home of record. We have not really been blessed to find friends to socialize with, which means we really only have each other to talk to and interact with on a typical day. It truly helps keep perspective.
Yes, it is! I had a friend tell me once that she refuses to talk about her husband in a way that would make people think less about him. I think of that everytime I “vent” my frustrations. Venting is okay-in moderation. But, i never want to make someone think less of my husband because of my words.
I was telling my husband the other day, that I realized (without meaning to do it) that when I talk about him with my sister I tend to complain more than talk about his good qualities. Sure sometimes we need to vent, but admitting this to him, helped me to see how true this really is and to watch what I say and why I say it. It also helped me to realize when he does or say’s something I do not like, that I need to talk with him about this, and not just go complaining to others that he is not perfect. Guess what, neither am I. For the most part we have a pretty honest and open communication, and try to head off any disagreement by talking things through immediately rather than letting things fester. Communication is always important. I now am starting to work on my flaws, so that I can be better for him, which in turn is making him better for me, funny how that works, right?
Sharing in love is key!!
LOVE this! Not that we shouldn’t ever share the things that we do that bother each other (sometimes it’s a simple fix but the other person has no idea), but it should always be shared in love, not with the intention of changing the other person.
Thank you for the encouraging words! Very good insights. 🙂
This it true! My husband will occasionally say things to me about something that needs improving, but I know he loves me anyway. I’m also blessed with a good husband that tries to do some things the way I like them done, not because I nag at him about it, but just because he know it pleases me. However much we may not be perfect, there is so much more that we love in each other that we can just dwell on those things!
So true…. grace goes a long ways in a marriage. 🙂
Exactly!! That is SO important in a marriage 🙂
Thank you!
I love this post – great reminder to choose what it is right and change the way I look at things. From Friday Fellowship Link UP.
This is all so true. My husband does things that annoy him but I know that I have habits/quirks that annoy him but we still love each other unconditionally.