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Our oldest homeschoolers end up being our guinea pigs. They end up being the ones we push and learn from. And sometimes we just need to tell them we are sorry.
Throughout the years I have talked to many a veteran homeschool mom. They all tell me they would have done this homeschool thing differently starting out. Pushed less. Played more. Worried less. Enjoyed the time more. And now, a few years into this homeschooling journey and I agree with this wholeheartedly.
I look at my son’s homeschool journey and realize how different it is going to look from my oldest. I think back to our first days of homeschooling and cringe at some of the memories. Were there good days? Yes, of course, we had a lot of fun! But, would I change things? Yes! So many things.
As homeschool moms, I think we often forget the pressures our oldest homeschoolers have carried on their homeschoolers. They are our guinea pigs. The ones we tried everything out on. And sometimes, I just want to tell them I’m sorry.
To my oldest homeschooler,
I remember our first year of homeschooling. Oh, there were so many tears. There were struggles There was wondering if I was doing this thing right.
I’m sorry.
I remember pushing you, knowing that I needed to show all those doubters I was wrong.
I’m sorry.
I know I have tried out numerous curriculums with you trying to find the right fit.
I’m sorry.
You were my guinea pig. The one I used to find my teaching style, my preferred homeschool method, and homeschool mom groove.
I’m sorry.
You have experienced the best and worst of our homeschool days. You were the one I homeschooled before I realized Kindergarten should be more fun and fewer textbooks. I became more relaxed BECAUSE I learned from you. Yet, you experienced very little of my more relaxed method of homeschooling.
I’m sorry.
But, dear oldest homeschooler you were also the one who taught me the most. Through you, I learned about all the benefits of homeschooling.
You were the first one I taught to read. And OH I can still remember the way your eyes lit up.
You were the one who made me realize we could do this crazy thing called homeschooling.
It was you who told me that you missed being home and “doing school” with me.
It was you who made me realize families didn’t have to be separated every day just to learn.
You were the one who made me fall in love with homeschooling.
I experienced our first homeschool field trip, first homeschool day, first homeschool failure, and first homeschool success with YOU. You were my first born and my first homeschooler. And while I am sorry I have failed you in some ways, I am so glad I am able to experience this homeschool journey with you!
What would you tell your oldest homeschooler?
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Shelly, somehow this got put in spam and I just rescued it this morning. I am so sorry your son has such bad feelings on homeschooling. Thank you for sharing your heart here. It is important to learn from those who have come before us.
Parenting really is the worst experiment ever, isn’t it?! I mean, we don’t get to see our methods/choices work out for 15-30 years, and by then it’s too late to do anything about it LOL!
My biggest regret, or need to apologize to my oldest would probably be that I just plain expected way to much from her too soon — unrealistic expectations for maturity & development. Her younger siblings get away with way more than she ever did!
So beautiful- and so true! My poor oldest son was in high school when we started homeschooling. For two years I became like a drill sergeant trying to replicate school until he finally asked to go back to public school. I let him, and he graduated from there. Unfortunately, to this day he still hates homeschooling because he never got to experience the more relaxed routine we cherish now.
Thank you Rosanna!
Yes, they are our forever guinea pig!
I was thinking the same thing, Michelle. Personally, I think I don’t have nearly as much to apologize for homeschool wise as I do parenting wise with my oldest. That being said, it’s only our 4th year of homeschooling, so we’ll see what happens in a few years. Great post!
So true! Actually, we should probably apologize to our oldest kids for LOTS of things because everything we do in parenting them is an experiment. It’s good to remember that we did the best we could and when we knew better, we did it better. The other kids that come along should really thank their oldest sibling for that! 😉