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Originally published September 19, 2014
When my husband and I first got engaged we had the talk. You know, the one where you discuss what you want for the future. A house with a picket fence, 2 kids, a dog….all that stuff. At that time, I wanted 4 kids, he wanted 2. We jokingly compromised with 3.
Fast forward, a few years and I have 2 wonderful girls. I’m happy, he’s happy. He’s done, I’m not sure. Baby #2 was colicky, an overall rough baby, but I still want to keep the door open. At this time, I had been running my daycare for a few years and always had a baby to care for. This helped, a lot! I mentioned a few times through the years that I wanted another baby, my husband always said no, we were done.
The Ache Begins
Around the time, my youngest daughter turned 3 an ache kicked in. Like something was missing. I’d cry when I’d see a baby, or when someone announced they were pregnant. Commercials would make me tear up. I’d hold others babies and just cry wanting another one of my own. I didn’t understand why I felt this way. Why couldn’t I be happy for others? Why couldn’t I be content with the 2 healthy children I had?
I began whining, crying, and praying that God would change my husband’s mind. I told him we could “try for a boy”. That didn’t work.
I got the girls on board begging their dad for a baby brother. That didn’t work.
I threw up the fact that when we were engaged we had compromised on 3, and he was going against that compromise. That didn’t work.
I began to pray and asked God to take the ache away. To let me be content with what I had. Or, to soften my husband’s heart. Eventually, after months of the ache, God worked on my husband’s heart, and I became pregnant with my son.
I promised my husband that was it. No more babies. He had given me our compromise child, and we were done. I cherished those first few years with my boy. My girls laughed because I told them we were going to spoil him, he was our last baby. I sold or gave away our baby things as soon as he was done with them.
But, It’s Not Really Gone
But, deep down, I wanted another child. My baby just turned 3. The ache has been back again in full force. Only this time, I know we are done. The ache is different this time because I know it is final. I can’t get my husband to compromise again. We have what we agreed on. Our house is small, money is tight, I should be happy and content with the three kids I have right?
But, the ache is still there. Constant. Every time I see a baby. When I hold a baby. Or look at pictures of our kids as babies. The ache comes. Eyes tear up. And I wish. I hope. I ache. This blogger put my thoughts into words, and I am so grateful:
I don’t know that we ever lose that ache. I don’t know if we ever get rid of it. I don’t know if we should. Maybe it’s meant to be there with us. So I’m learning to live with The Ache now.
The Ache reminds me of the great and terrible beauty I have seen, of what love I have experienced, of the sorrow and brokenness of loss, of all the love that is still here, of the wonder and miracle of life, of the sweetness of co-creation, of the labour and release, of transcendence. ~Sarah Bessey
The ache is different this time, though. I no longer feel “empty” or like “someone” is missing. I’m able to be happy for my friends when they announce pregnancies, and I can hold a baby without crying. It’s different, but the ache is still there.
I have read before on others blogs and talked to other moms, and I know this ache is normal. That makes me feel somewhat better about it, but I’ve had to come to terms with it myself.
Moms, I am telling you that even if the ache is normal we can’t let it eat away at our happiness, our contentment, and even our marriages. We have to find contentment in what we have. We have to learn to live with the ache.
Learning to Live with the ACHE
When the ache for more babies doesn’t go away. We have to learn to deal with it, and it can be hard. Very hard. I would love to say that I magically woke up one day and agreed with my husband’s decision, but I didn’t. I worked hard to be content, and to come to peace with it. The ache was there, but I didn’t let that ache run my life. Here is how I am worked through it.
Choose to Thank God for What You Do Have
I have three healthy kids. We have food on our table and a roof over our head. I have a husband who works hard to provide for our family. We have what has become, our dream home, that fits our family of five well.
When I take the time to thank God for what He has provided us with, it is harder to focus on what I don’t have. My life is blessed, and we are happy. God is good.
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. ~Phillipians 4:11
Embrace Where Your Family Is Now
We are out of the diaper phase! Between my middle and my youngest, we always had a daycare baby or toddler. After 10 years of having a baby, we can now go places without a diaper bag or stroller. This opens up amusement parks, go-cart tracks, and much more to the whole family. We have always wanted to try tubing in Tennessee. Next time we are there, we can do that!
When I take the time to focus on where our family is now, and all the things this new stage of parenting has to offer I can try to find peace and contentment in this season of our lives.
To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
~Ecclesiastes 3:1
Respect My Spouse
My husband works hard to provide for us. He has stresses I don’t know about, and as the head of our home, ultimately the decision to expand our family is his. He is content with our family. And whether or not I am, I need to respect his decision as the God-given leader of our home. This is where submission kicks in. Is this easy? No. However, it is a decision I must respect. It is not my job to change his mind. It is my job to love and respect him.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. ~Ephesians 5:22-23
Moms if you are dealing with the ache for more babies, I urge you to pray about what you are going through. Your feelings are normal, but if left unchecked can eat at your joy, your peace, your contentment, and ultimately your marriage. I encourage you to talk to a friend who understands what it is like. A friend who will not give you bad counsel, but one that will listen to you, support you and pray with you.
If you have been dealing with the ache, I hope this encourages you, and I pray that you can find contentment and peace to help deal with the ache. If you have dealt with the ache and worked through it, please share your story in the comments. You may encourage another mom dealing with the same thing.
2018 UPDATE:
Four years ago when I wrote this post I did it with tears in my eyes. It was one of the hardest posts I had ever written. It was therapy for me. You guys all responded with heartwarming stories, comments, emails, and encouragement. I wanted to come back and update this and let you know that for me, the ache is gone. Something happened around the time that my son turned 5 that just flipped. I began to see life on the other side of babies. I am so thankful God guided me in ways to get through the ache. And, I do wonder what life would be like had my husband NOT been against another child. But, does my heart ache for one now? No.
So, if you are going through the ache, I want to encourage you that at some point that ache will leave. I also want to add that finding a friend local to you, or even in an online space, who is going through the same thing, or who you can confide in about your bitterness and heartache made a world of difference. Now, don’t choose a friend who will husband bash. Choose a friend who will give you biblical advice, or just pray with you when you need it. I do encourage you to follow the tips I laid out in this post. They truly helped me deal with the ache.
Need a reminder to choose joy when you’re going through the ache? This is a tangible reminder!
I’m going through this right now. I have two boys (5 and 3). My husband and I had initially wanted to have three kids. But last year, after suffering a miscarriage and our marriage going through an extremely rough time (we’re much better now, thank God), my husband has decided now that he doesn’t want to try for another. He said that while there are days he does think about having another, most days he doesn’t really want to add to our family. He feels two is enough. I want to respect his decision and I do, but it’s hard to get over the ache. Especially when we had a miscarriage last year. It feels like our family is yet to be completed — like so close yet so far. praying for God to keep speaking to me and to help me find contentment in my circumstances.
Hi Brenda-
I too stumbled upon this post along with your comments… and I really felt a connection to your story/experience. I too am remarried (my current husband and I were both previously divorced). We have been remarried for 3.5 years and we both have children from our previous marriages (I have 3 and he has 1). We had both said early on that we didn’t want to have any additional children but I’ve recently realized that I think I’ve been lying to myself about my feelings. We would see babies out at restaurants screaming and I would give my husband the token eye roll… but secretly I think I was hoping he would come home one day and tell me he wanted me to carry his child. My husband’s daughter was adopted, which is wonderful, but it almost makes me feel more rejected when he tells me he doesn’t want anymore children. He self admitted that he is selfish when it comes to his reason for not wanting more kids. He also feels like I just blindsided him with my desire to have more children. And to be fair, I did… but I blindsided myself as well. I am really struggling with this, I am at the age now where I have to make a decision one way or another and it is something I will have to live with forever. I have a feeling that I will carry this regret for the rest of my life if we do not have a child together. I just can’t wrap my head around why my husband doesn’t want to create a child with me.. raise a child full time with me.. complete our own family circle. And then I’m also scared that if for some reason he did agree, anytime things became difficult with the child, I would feel some level of personal blame. Marriage is supposed to be 50/50…so what do you do when one person votes no and the other votes yes?
I just stumbled upon this post and I felt like it was speaking to my heart. My husband and I recently got married in June 2020. We were both previously married and divorced with two kids. I have two girls and he has a boy and a girl. Both of our sets of kids have had problems with accepting the new marriage and that they have to share their parent with one another. When we were dating we both discussed how we didn’t want any more kids and we were content with our children we had. As our relationship progressed, I began to have a yearning and unsettling feeling though that maybe, just maybe I did want a child with him. This was the first time in my life that I actually WANTED a child with someone. I did not even really want kids with my ex husband. I guess I thought the feeling would go away. My husband now is SUCH an amazing father and I would be crazy to NOT want a child with him. He was the main nurturing and supportive parent between he and his ex. He had carried the burden of the child raising early on when his kids were young. He told me that it was hard on him to work, cook, and raise the kids by himself while his ex went out with her friends and barely was around. He said now hes finally glad that they are independent at age 7 and 11 and he can start to do more things with them.
Fast forward now two years after dating, proposal and now marriage. We have an amazing relationship. We both have said how we have never had a love as deep as our love before (even when we were married). We both had similar struggles and so we know what works and what doesn’t in a marriage.
Now as we are together in marriage, each day my aching of wanting to have a child with him is growing stronger and stronger. I did not plan on this happening. It is making me emotional, stressed, rejected and confused. I AM happy with our family now, but something just doesn’t feel complete without he and I having a child of our own. Well, unfortunately, my husband does not want to have a baby. Different conversations we have will sometimes trigger that pain. I always thought if you really loved someone you would WANT to have their child. My husband is about to be 40, and he said he doesn’t want to go “backwards” in life and have to start over. He said he finally is at the age where he wants to be able to enjoy life and spend his time and attention with ME and not have to worry about a crying baby, changing diapers and long nights. I on the other hand feel “rejected” and want a baby with him so bad and I just can’t get him to understand or see my side. I feel like it’s a personal attack but he said it has NOTHING to do with ME or my mothering abilities. He said he just doesn’t want to go down that path again and he is content with the children we have together now. He’s also worried about the lack of time we would be able to spend together with a new baby, financial and emotional strains, and lastly, struggles our own kids are having with the divorce and the adjustments (primarily his kids). I keep praying but can’t seem to make peace with this. I too, have had long nights of crying myself to sleep! I am only two months into my marriage and I do NOT want this to cause resentment or a wedge between us.
I just saw the message you wrote. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, too. I’m trying to trust that this is God’s will for me since my husband truly believes that this is God’s path for us. My head knows all the reasons we shouldn’t have had another baby, but my heart hurts a lot still especially since I wonder if I could’ve stopped this if I had spoken up earlier or communicated in a better way. I am trying to replace these thoughts and not allow myself to dwell on what ifs. I hope it is becoming easier for you. I’ve gone through different stages and waves of grief. I think I would’ve always grieved the passing of my child bearing years no matter how many kids I had. It just came faster than I could’ve prepared myself for. I’m also reminding myself that God is greater than any of the plans we make, and if my husband truly did make the wrong choice, God is powerful enough to still give us a child. I want to move on, though, and try to cherish the time I do have with my 4 kids. It’s not easy, though, and maybe it’s not meant to be ❤
Nicole, I am so, so, sorry. I wish I had words to encourage you in this time of pain. Have you reached out to anyone in your church? Or a local support group? Maybe an online group of moms who have experienced a miscarriage? I highly encourage you to do that. Reach out to someone who has experienced this kind of loss and talk through it. I will be praying for you, I cannot even imagine the pain you are going through. Don’t give up!
I just stumbled across this post as I am welting up with tears as it seems to be on a daily basis. I have always had this plan and made it clear that I wanted 4 children, I’m an even number kinda person. Fast forward 3 boys later (currently 11, from previous, 5, almost 3) and that feeling was here, my baby was a year and a half and I was ready. I needed that last one. I had a hard year with 2 knee surgerys after the 3rd one was born so I didn’t feel like I had that closure I should have had to prepare myself if this was going to be it. I was told I had to stop nursing for my last surgery and my body wouldn’t be able to keep up with him at that point after that. So fast forward to now, he will be 3 in just a couple of weeks and since that initial feeling a year and a half ago, I have cried myself to sleep most nights knowing there was no way my husband would change his mind. He has realistic reasons that I can understand but it isn’t anything we couldn’t re-adjust to and I couldn’t find a way to get rid of this feeling, this need. This past September, 5 months ago, he says ok, let’s do this. OMG, I just won the lottery. I am so excited and happy. I immediately felt myself gain energy and started doing things I haven’t done in a long time. I ultimately wanted to wait until October to start so I could get that summer baby. I also looked up any and all possibilities of how to increase your chances to conceive a girl naturally. The time comes and I am ready to go. That is when he started acting weird, he told me he couldn’t go through with it. I was devastated, heart broken to the point where I left to go to my parents house for the weekend just because I couldn’t even look at him. He then said he would give me 2 nights to try and that was it, if it happens it happens but if not, that was it, we were done, no questions asked. So guess what, we got pregnant, I couldn’t believe it. 2 days after I got my positive test I started to bleed thinking it wasn’t anything to be to worried about, that was until it keep coming and heavier. I continued to take test and got blood work done and as fast as it came, it was gone. Everything I have longed for for so long was just taken from me. I was devastated. that happened end of October beginning of November. Than back and forth again with the husband because he said that was it no matter what happens. My problem was, we did get pregnant and I couldn’t just let that go. I needed to feel like that loss was worth something other than just what it was. So again, at the end of December beginning of January getting ready to kick off a new year. I was feeling off and to both our surprise, there it was, I was pregnant again, and again, 2 days later I started to bleed. By the time the Dr. wanted me to go for blood work the test were already negative again. So here we are now. He is sticking to his guns, NO MORE. And the worst part is, as much as I want to respect him and his feelings, he is my constant reminder of our 2 losses and that it will never happen again. I am back to crying every night and I need my husbands support weather I want it or not but it is also my husband that triggers my hurt. I am so lost and I do love him and don’t want to imagine this not working out because of this but I don’t know how long I can live with all this pain.
Amber, I feel the same way right now… I’m 2 weeks past my husband’s vasectomy and 19w pregnant with our last baby. I hope the grief has lessened by the time Baby is born. I had been dreading the sterilization but didn’t beg him not to because I wanted to be submissive and he’s sure he’s done. If I had known how I would really feel when it was over, I would have told him I couldn’t handle it emotionally. Now, I don’t have a choice and I’m only barely making it. 🙁
Thank for this post. It gives me hope for the future. When we found we were pregnant with our 4th in January, we talked about my husband getting a vasectomy. I had always wanted 4 children, and I was excited God had blessed with a surprise 4th child especially since my husband had talked about being done after 3. The vasectomy made sense, 5 kids seemed crazy even to me. My husband wanted to have vasectomy while I was still pregnant, but I asked him to wait until after the baby was born. We had a few scares, and he agreed to wait. As the end of my pregnancy neared, I was sad to think that this would be the last baby I ever carried within. I knew my husband would never want a 5th, but I could picture myself loving another child. I had my baby in September. He was healthy just a little smaller than our others. My husband scheduled the vasectomy. I began to dread that date. I asked him if he was sure he was done. He said yes. I didn’t speak with him about it more which I deeply regret. A few days before his vasectomy I was a mess. Crying asking him to reconsider, but that was unfair to him since I waited so long to share my feelings. It had always seemed so far in the future, but now it was here and felt so permanent. My desire for another child had only grown not diminished. It’s been about 3 weeks since his procedure and I’m just so sad. I’m trying to cherish these days with my baby, but I feel like it is overshadowed by my grief of his firsts being my lasts. I hope it will get easier as time passes. I wish we had waited until I was further out of the newborn days. Yet I know my husband is done. I don’t think it would’ve changed anything except it would have given me more time to come to terms with it. I understand my husband’s reasonings. He’s a good provider, and he wants to shepherd and care for the children we do have well. It just hurts so much and everything feels so different. I keep praying for God to take this desire from me. I don’t want to be discontent, but leaving this phase of motherhood is so much more painful than I could’ve ever dreamed. No one really prepares you for this ache. I hope I can for other women.
I could have written this comment myself! Mine are 5, 3 and 6 months. My husband said we would have a large family, then abruptly changed his mind after I had a difficult pregnancy (healthy, just physically hard). I felt cheated! I thought we were on the same page & now feel at odds and discouraged, like if I had just suffered in silence and not complained so much during my last pregnancy, I wouldn’t be in this boat. I too feel this is what I’m good at. No more pregnancies & babies? It hurts.
You’re so very welcome. Praying for you. It is a hard season for sure. But, I promise you there is joy on the other side.
I’m glad I stumbled on this article… our son is 17months old and a gem! My husband and I are only children, and had originally discussed two. My husband suffers from bad anxiety… so he decided he is one and done. It took time but I accepted it… then the other day he said he had been thinking about having a baby #2 and I was so excited! Two days later- huge fight because he really doesn’t want another… and my heart is in such an ache. I”m struggling to accept we are back to “one-and-done”… but your article helps. Thank you.
Thank you for this post. I currently have 3 children, 5, 3, and 1, but I always wanted a big family. My husband says he’s done and I feel physically ill often about the thought of him taking permenant measures, because he knows I wouldn’t approve of it. I cry often as my youngest grows older. I love babies and my life as a stay at home mom has been consumed with being pregnant, nursing, and raising babies for 6 years now. It feels like a total career change and a blow to my heart and soul. Letting go of what I am “good” at and what I adore seems to crush me emotionally. I know the ache will be there for the rest of my life. I know that with God I can work through it, but right now it feels so painful to admit this stage of our lives is gone.
This was such an awesome read. I know I am years late to the conversation but definitely in the same place. I am truly in this place of ache. I am the only child and I myself wanted a sibling but unfortunately my parent were divorced. I always wanted 4 children but knew that was out of the question with my husband so we agreed we would have 2. As planned we tried for our first child and were blessed with our daughter who is almost 5 now.
The plan was for our children to be no more than 2 years apart but a few months after she was born life happened and I lost my job. Although I found another very quickly the market was still bad and a year later I lost my 2nd one. I moved to another industry for 2 years and finally returned to my field after those 2 years. Well here I am a year and half later and my husband is saying he is too old and is done having kids. My heart ache’s! Our family and our daughter keep asking when we will have another and talking to my husband about it and he keeps saying no. I like many have prayed for God to put my heart and peace or change my husbands heart. Needless to say that peace has not come.
Often he makes comments that make me think there is still hope like we should get new carpet but you still want another baby so we should just wait. If it’s a no why would he say that. I am praying for God’s will to be done no matter the outcome. I am on the pill so not sure if it can just happen on it’s own as I would need my husband to agree to me getting off the pill. I just don’t have it in my heart to get off and not tell him. We are both still in our 30s and he says he is too old. I pray that we are as lucky as many of you have and my husband changes his heart soon. If not I pray that God brings me peace. Prayerful & hopeful!
I am with you! Right there with you literally. Pregnant with baby #4 and don’t really want to be. I am blessed and I will love my child but I am done. My husband wants 11 children! Ugh. I love him and I thought for the longest time it was a joke. And I was glad to be married to someone who was always willing to welcome the extra responsibility and work hard to provide. But now I’m finding out that this is real expectation.
He works 70-90 hours a week so all the baby duty goes to me! I want to do other things with my life than just bear children. I also hate pregnancy and is a means to an end. Praying for you sister.
I am so sorry. I definitely think family size is a decision that needs to be made by both parties after prayer. No one should be forced one way or the other to have more children. A child does not need to be brought into the world that way. I will be praying for you. Please, reach out to someone close to you, or a Christian counselor and talk to someone. For your own health, and for the health of your family.
And, on the other hand, there’s me: Mom of four who has terrible pregnancies, the fourth being the worst (in and out of hospital with hyperemesis gravidarum), post-partum depression, homeschooling and losing.my.mind. No joy in pregnancy, no delight in delivery, homeschooling in submission to God and loathing the journey. I am so DONE with being with my kids or having any more. I am a believer, and so is my husband. He wants more kids and revoked his promise of getting a vasectomy. I feel SO bitter toward him that I don’t want any intimacy at all: sexual, emotional, spiritual, etc. He doesn’t offer the support I need to thrive as a homeschooling mom of four kids who has awful pregnancies (with no family in state). And I feel like the sinner for not being willing to subject my body to the terror of pregnancy (and it really is terror, when you vomit as profusely as I do), all because i don’t want to embrace “my curse from Eve”—to have hard pregnancies and “be saved through children bearing.” I understand how Christian moms can lose their minds and abandon their families in self-preservation. It’s not right to do; but I understand the temptation. I’m praying that my husband will get a clue and please allow one of us to become sterilized. Sadly for me, I can’t find ANY support online from Christian wives who don’t want more kids whose husbands do, so apparently I’m the crazy, unsubmissive wife in the world, unfortunately for both me and my husband.
Girl, I totally understand! I went through that years ago. Thank you for sharing your story. Please know I am praying for you. You are not alone.
I could not be more grateful that I stumbled across your blog today. Literally sitting here in my own pool of tears and that gut-wrenching ache. This is my story. My husband and I have 3 beautiful and healthy children. We had them very close together. Right now, their ages are 4, 3, and 2. But my oldest will be 5 on Sunday and my middle will be 4 in April. He is done having babies, but I am praying for just one more. I’ve always wanted 4 children. We are not trying to conceive in any shape or form, but earlier this week I was feeling a bit off (pregnancy symptoms), and since my cycles are very inconsistent, I decided to take a test. Within a few minutes I got a second, light pink, line. You can only imagine the overflow of emotions I had. I immediately thought, “No way! Can this really be happening? Could I really be one of those women that gets pregnant while practicing the withdrawal method?”. I took the other 2 tests in the box just for comparison and both came out positive. I immediately went into planning mode. How was I going to tell my husband? What do I need to buy (we gave everything away)? But everything changed the next day when the appearance of Aunt Flow showed up. I was confused as to what was happening as I’d never experienced a miscarriage before. Because naturally that’s what I thought was happening. I began doing some research online in regard to the brand of test I took and come to find out this same thing had been happening to women all over. Heartbroken. Just heartbroken. I thought God was finally answering my prayers. I’ve been journaling through my thoughts and feelings the past 2 days and there is no sign of relief. I can’t talk to my husband about it because there’s no point. The conversation will end the same as it always has. Feeling very alone today. Not to mention my best friend in the whole world had her baby last night. While I’m overjoyed for her because I love her dearly, I’m also envious. I did a google search “when your spouse is done having kids and you are not” and I came across your blog post. Sobbed the entire time I read it. Like seriously ugly cried to the point I could barely get the words out as I read aloud. I printed it out. You are speaking directly to me. I don’t know if my husband’s heart will ever be in the same place as mine. But hearing your story and your update gave me so much comfort. I know this is a long comment and you may not read it all and that’s okay. But a million times over, thank you from the bottom of my broken heart for sharing your story with me.
Well, I had just sold our last baby item the summer before I got pregnant with my third. It could still happen! Praying for peace for you regardless. I’m sorry. I do know what you are going through.
My husband (then boyfriend) and I also had the talk early on. He wanted 2, I wanted 4. I told him there was no way of knowing how many children we wanted before we even had them. We now have 2 children and he is done. I earnestly hoped and wished that I would be content with 2. Of course, I am not. I’ve given away most of our baby items, which I know further solidifies in my husband’s mind that we are done, but I just can’t bear to have them in the house. It feels like a punch in the heart anytime someone we know announces a pregnancy, and like a cruel joke when I get the pregnant bank teller or dental hygienist. I know I am being selfish but I can’t quit this bitter, jealous feeling. Bringing it up causes a fight and doing nothing does nothing. So this is where I am.
Hi Misty,
Thanks for your beautiful words… I have reread over and over. I’m feeling the ache full force at the moment and my husband feels the opposite. He is 100% done & doesn’t really show any empathy to my heartbreak as we already have 4 children. I wish this terrible pain would go away as it is ruining my marriage. I love being a mother so much but my husband doesn’t enjoy babies. I find myself wishing I had met & married a man who loved having children as much as I do. I’m not overly religious but after reading this I think I will try to pray about it… Maybe it will help me overcome my heartbreak.
Kind regards,
Penny.
Praying for you Jane!
Thankyou for sharing your story, I currently have two beautiful children and had hoped that we would expand our family by another one to what my husband I agreed on when we were married. Unfortunately having had a boy and a girl ( 4 and 3) he is content and doesn’t want have any more. There are issues such as anxiety and other things at play, but ultimately I think it could work. He is more of a planner and says he would feel like he’d have less time with the kids and have to work more so I could stay at home with the third if that’s what happened. I believe that God will provide if we did, but there’s no way he’s leaving it up to that, though he’s a believer too. We have been battling with this decision for over a year now and I feel like thi ache is never going to go away. I am grateful for our children. So much so, that it is the reason I want to add another child to our family. Our son has asked me for another sibling and I can’t bear to see other women with babies and or part with our baby stuff. I pray daily, but it’s really causing damage to our relationship. I really want this, but I want him to want it too.
Lindsey! Girl we could be twins 😉 My son (youngest) just turned 7. I promise you it has gotten easier. I don’t know if it’s age, or just the fact that Lord has given me the peace, but I am content. We have talked about fostering when the girls are out of the house, but it’s not come out of a place of desperation or begging from me, but just conversation brought on by my husband. We shall see what the Lord has in store for us. Prayers and hugs my sister Loved by God <3
This post is so encouraging to me! It is so similar to my story, except I have 3 girls! 🙂 My husband and I had two girls, and he was totally content and done at 2, but I just like you, did not feel done, and really wanted (ached as you said) for another baby, and after many prayers and tears, my husband finally said he was praying and felt like he was being selfish for not wanting another child, so along came baby #3. Just like you I was so happy that to have a 3rd and knew it would most likely be our last, so gave away all the baby stuff, and embraced my last baby, etc… But of corse emotions are not that easy to control, so I have had my ups and downs with wanting another child, even crying when I hear stories of friends that have a 4th, or adopt etc… I just don’t think it would be right for me to try and beg and find a way to convince my hubby for another baby. My youngest recently turned 7! And I found myself mourning that we no longer have young children, and dreaming about our last chance to have another baby, knowing that it probably wasn’t my husbands dream too. Anyways, I have often struggled with contentment in other area of my life, but reading your post reminded me how I need to be content in this area… Also the bit about being able to embrace the ages your kids are at just hit the nail on the head for me. I ‘cant live in the past, or the “what if’s” this is the life I have now and I needed that encouragement to embrace it. thank you for you honesty. 🙂
Praying with you!
Could you pray for me? My husband is done with 2 although we wish we could have another now that my youngest is 5. I am 44 and my hubby is saying no. It feels almost impossible right now to just choose to submit. It feels like giving up. Please pray that if needed I can make a conscious choice to honor his choice and stick to it without being regretful or bitter.
I am hurting with you. I’m sorry it’s hard!
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Praying for you! I know it’s hard. I promise it does get easier. Have you guys considered talking to someone? Maybe a neutral person?
I am in the exact same situation now. I am 38 and i have a 4-year old son. From the time he turned 2 the ache set in. I and my husband have fought terribly on having another one. He is adamant. So, adamant that he has stopped having sex with me for fear that i may ‘forget’ to take the pill and have my ‘happy accident’ child..
We are at war in my household. I feel like time is not on my side and my supplications to God are landing on deaf ears. I would do anything for God to soften my husband’s heart and bless me with just one more.
Yes! Beautiful response. I agree with you. Ultimately we are to be grateful! He has given us so much more than we ever deserve. It’s easy to take an entitled perspective, but children are undeserved blessings and so are our godly husbands. Merry Christmas to you and your family! If y’all are ever lead to adoption, it truly is one of the most beautiful, yet broken miracles I’ve ever experienced. Blessings to you!
Yes! I love this story so much <3 God has blessed you and thank you for sharing 🙂 I LOVE Voddie Buchanan. I watched his video Children of Caeser and was so blessed. Stories like his and so many others who share about God's provision and blessing are what leads me to believe we truly are to trust God with the number of children we have.
That being said, I also am a strong believer in submission and we just can't pressure our spouses into something they are not ready for. Our job is to pray and support and ultimately submit. God has taken the desire away and I no longer have that ache. Would I welcome another child? Of course! We have both been praying about adoption and I believe that some day God will open that door. But, if He doesn't and if we never welcome another child (whether through birth or adoption) I feel content. I am so thankful for that because like you said I don't want bitterness or resentment towards my husband to take root. God heals and I am so thankful for that!
I completely agree with your heart on submission here, because we are to honor our husband’s position. I don’t believe marriage is about upholding to some agreement made years prior. Life changes, perspectives and hopes waver in circumstances. I’d love to see more men leading other men, like Voddie Baucham in the blessings of “dying to self” through the blessings of children. Many of the reasons men give for “being done” are selfish and they live within a human box. I understand their pressure to provide, but God does miraculous things when we trust Him. We had 4 biological children all while my husband was in school and I stayed home. The 4 boys came every 20 months. The way God provided financially, practically, emotionally through the Body of Christ, was amazing and a testament to His design of community. After our 4th child was 2 years old and my husband had a job (out of schooling), we pursued adoption of one daughter from Africa. Circumstances changed in that pursuit and TWO babies were offered to us at once through a broken situation. We had a choice to say yes or no and after prayer chose yes even though we lacked the money for the second child. Within 3 days, God provided 10,000 dollars for that adoption! We were amazed! When the girls came home they were 8 months old and we had an 8 year old, 6, 4 and 2 year old biological sons. We felt complete. After the girls had been home a year I felt God nudge my heart for another baby, like so many here have expressed that desire that lingers despite the number we already have. I knew God and my husband could say no, b/c we’re are never guaranteed conception. The Lord opened my womb and we welcomed a daughter. She is 15 months old now and I’m pregnant with another GIRL. I’m most overwhelmed when i think how easily I could’ve missed these 2 little girls. My husband has always said that withholding children from either spouse is selfish. You will never look back and regret a child. Our fertility is such a gift and a short window of life. I understand wisdom, circumstances that are different. We will have our 8th child soon and I’m 36 years old. I feel this season winding down for us, but I’ll never put God in a box as if i know the future. Ultimately he does refine us through our marriages and there are times when disagreement arises. I strongly suggest counseling b/c bitterness can take root and develop harsh resentment. I know God heals and restores and you don’t have an evil husband. 🙂 blessings to you!
Yes! We will see 🙂 Can’t wait to see pics of number 3 when it arrives also!
I know the feeling. My husband wanted to be done with 2 as well, but I wasn’t ready to call it quits yet. Just when I finally accepted we were probably done and that was okay though, I got pregnant with our third! So I guess God took my side on this one 🙂 We’ll see what happens when this baby gets a little older…
Visiting from #fellowshipFriday. I think this ache never goes away my youngest is 17 and there are times that I think I am missing the chance of a baby, I don’t think I would want to start again but I miss that closeness I had when they were little. Thanks for sharing 🙂
What a miraculous story! God is so good 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I pray it brings comfort to those dealing with similar struggles.
I know this struggle. My husband was done after one, and he started talking surgery, but I was pregnant with #2 before he had it done. So then he was done done. We had our boy and our girl. I wasn’t sure. I tried to tell him that at the surgery consult, but it caused friction, so I let it drop, he had his vasectomy. Several years later, my urge for more kicked in with a vengeance. I thought the ache was unbearable. I tried to talk to my husband about a reversal, but it caused horrid fights and he flat-out refused. So I prayed. I gave it over to God. I told God it was His will, and vowed to never mention it to my husband again. Not even once. But I mentioned it to God. And my friends. I begged God ceaselessly in prayer. Any time my friends asked for my prayer requests, I said, “All I want is a baby. Just one more baby.” One day in the midst of a particularly horrid emotional tantrum over the matter, I yelled at God several times, “Please! Please! I’m begging you! Please!” And I heard a voice in my heart saying very clearly, “You will have another baby, it will be a boy, and his name is Aram David.” It was so matter of fact and clear, I didn’t question the information. I just said, “David?” (Aram was the name I wanted for another boy). Since I had vowed not to speak of the matter again to my husband, I wasn’t sure how or when God was going to pull this off, but I treasured the knowledge. Maybe my husband was going to die and God was going to send me a new husband? (I know that sounds horrid, but you know it doesn’t feel horrid compared to that horrible ache for the baby you can’t have). Maybe an abandoned infant was going to be left on my doorstep? After 5 years, maybe my husband’s surgery would miraculously repair itself? I gave it over to God daily. A couple of months later, my husband made a cross-country driving trip by himself to bring a motor home back to our property. While driving through Kansas, he saw a billboard advertisement for vasectomy reversals in Florida. He memorized the number. Within two months, he let me know he had decided to pay to have the reversal done, had arranged the cash, and the doctor in Florida. The surgery was in February 2004. In May, 2005, Aram David was born. Then in 2008, his brother Elon Nole. Then in 2009 another brother Oli Isaak. Then in 2011, another brother Mikko Joel. Then in 2014, a little girl, Millie Jewel. Not one more. Five more! I know this is not how it works out for everyone, and some days I wonder what God was thinking to give me FIVE more, and the thought of just the three sounds heavenly in particular crazy moments. But, God only is the creator of souls. God alone opens or closes the womb. And God alone will be ever glorified in His works! All I can say is be careful what you ask for! I have been raising children for 21 years, and now still have 20 to go! And I had my last one at age 45. I feel like a grandma, but as blessed as Sarah, the mother of Isaac, for sure! God bless you all, and may He comfort and provide grace, and children!
I am so very sorry for you. I have a friend who suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum. She was on IV’s and had a horrible time with her two. Feel free to message me, I would love to talk and pray with you as you go through this difficult time. And from one mom to another, please don’t beat yourself up. No mom needs to feel like they are a horrible person.
Oh, Janna, I am so sorry. I know not everyone is “lucky” and I completely respect that. But, that doesn’t make the ache any less real for moms going through it. I will pray for you. Thank you for stopping by.
It’s the other way with me. When we got engaged we both wanted 6 children, but I wanted to adopt them all, and he wanted to have them all biological. So we compromised on 3 of each. Then we had surprise pregnancies while on the pill. Three times. That was is, three bio kids. I got an implanon put in because our hospital doesn’t do tubals, and with my husband’s family history of MS, I didn’t want to risk a vasectomy. But we couldn’t afford to adopt outright, and we were turned down to be foster parents three times. Once because we said that we wanted to foster-to-adopt, and they said that they only give children to people who don’t want to adopt because the goal is always to reunite the birth family and they couldn’t trust us to be on board with that. Another time they told us it was because we wanted children younger than our eldest. We had read that was the best way to do it, but they said that they’d only accept us if we’d take teens. The third time we applied we were scared and sad because we knew it would be our last attempt. We said that we’d work to reunite the family, and that we’d take any age at all, even if they were much older than our eldest. We had the heart to parent more children, and we were willing to do whatever it took. They turned us down again. They said that my husband wasn’t as enthusiastic about it as I was. I said it was a calling, and he said that it was something that people should do if they have the ability and means to do it. Well, after that rejection my implanon was almost used up. We discussed what to do. We decided to go ahead and have a baby on purpose this time. We had learned about Natural Family Planning and thought that it would work for us since my periods were extremely regular. So we planned when we wanted to conceive and used NFP to prevent for an additional 9 months after being off the Implanon. Then our first attempt I got pregnant. We were both thrilled. But four months after he was born I turned up pregnant again. I knew when I had ovulated and couldn’t figure out HOW we had gotten pregnant. It turns out that there is something called superfundification where you ovulate twice in one cycle. That was the only explanation to why I was 11 days off on the estimated due date. But the doctors deny that it happened that way and just tell me that the NFP wasn’t good enough. So after we had that one we used condoms every single day. Four months after that baby was born we had a condom break. It was on my ovulation day, and I knew that I was instantly pregnant. I’m now about 30 days from giving birth to our sixth. I’m done. I’m so done. I was done before I got started. I have hyper grav, and even at 8 months pregnant, I am 15 pounds under my starting weight, and vomit pretty much every day repeatedly. But I can hold down liquids most of the time. This is better than all the other pregnancies. But I ache all over, and I’m so tired. I don’t want any more babies. But my husband does. I don’t know what to do. I’m hoping that maybe I can just get back on the Implanon and then decide. Maybe after three years I’ll be ready for a seventh child. But I’m not right now, and I know that if we do anything short of the Implant that I’ll get pregnant. The Depo shot might work but I don’t like shots, and the IUDs work by making the uterus a hostile environment (yes, yes, they also thicken the cervical fluid, but I don’t trust my fluids to be thick enough to stop anything), and I don’t want to have a deliberate miscarriage/abortion every month, which is what I consider it when there is a fertilized egg that is deliberately not allowed to implant so that it will die. I’m such a horrible person on the hormones though, and I hate how I act on them. I’m so confused and scared.
Some of us weren’t so lucky to have our spouse give in and let us have another one. I have ONE. We lost his twin at 12 weeks in utero so I do feel blessed to have him, but I always dreamed of having 6 with hopefully at least one of them being a girl- whether through pregnancy or adoption didn’t matter to me, I just wanted 6. My hubby is a bit older and he says he is too old to put up with any more babies. He refuses to be involved with foster care or to even consider an adoption if there has to be state involvement of any kind so I am pretty much stuck. I had to have a surgery which makes it impossible for me to carry another pregnancy so there we sit. I am glad you got your “compromise baby” and you are happy, but not everyone is so lucky.
That was my prayer as well, I understand and am so sorry. I am praying for you!
I get that ache a lot. I pray that God will take it away from me. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30. Well I’m turning 30 this year but still feel like my family isn’t complete. I know we can’t afford any more children but it still hurts
I have 3 babies, a 9 year old boy, a 4 year old girl, and a 7 month old baby boy. My husband and I have decided that we are done having babies but I can’t stop feeling sad knowing that my baby boy will be my last baby. I can totally understand and relate with all you ladies. I am starting to feel the ache again because my baby is growing so fast. Yet, only God knows if there is another Angel waiting for me to be his/her mom. Is sad but I have to deal with the ache because my husband is going to get fix to not have more babies. Even though I feel sad, I feel complete and blessed. I am thankful because God gave me 3 beautiful Angels that I
My eighth baby is two, and at 46 most people would think I’m done. In my heart though, I want another baby. I keep waiting for the desire to go away. To know that I’m finished. I’m mostly content, but when I see pictures of babies I really, really want one of my own. We’ll see. We’re leaving it up to the Lord. My husband would be content to stop now, but he would also be thrilled if we had another. Thank you for sharing your heart. Sometimes you can feel like you’re the only with a particular set of desires. Obviously that’s not true. 🙂
Suzanne, you are so welcome! Prayers to you and your husband. Thank you for sharing your story!
This was so good to read. We don’t have children yet, but I really want to. My husband not. I am 23 and everyone says we have enough time. We’re young, we should enjoy being togheter.
Reading this prepares me that when we eventually have children the ache probably won’t go away. I think I want more children than my husband. You just never hear about it. Thank you for writing this.
It’s amazing to her so much of my own inner dialogue poured out by other moms! I am not a mother of young children. We have two beautiful daughters aged 14 (soon to be 15)and ten. I marvel at the amazing women they are growing to be. When they were very young we did not have our degrees yet and money was very very tight. Since we have both gotten bachelor’s degrees, good solid careers and are able to start doing some of these things we had always wanted to do, so why after all of this time am I feeling this ache, this yearning to be pregnant and bring new life into this world? My husband although only a few years older than me is rather adament about all the completely logical reasons we should be done with this chapter in our lives. I am not as young and physically well as I used to be. I would be very high risk due to age and cardiac and respiratory concerns that were not there 10 years ago. Our lives are already very full with keeping up with the activities of these two girls and I still want to go back to school to pursue my masters. So why then the ache?
Oh Margarett. My heart aches for you! I will say something similar happened to a friend of mine. She has a mothers heart and had spent a good portion of her life raising her nieces and nephews. She got married, couldn’t get pregnant, went through fertility and suffered a devastating miscarriage. She ended up accepting a foster baby (born 2 days before her due date with the miscarriage) and is now in the process of adopting her. She has also accepted that babies newborn sibling and is in the process of hoping to adopt him. Their bio mom has had 7 children all in foster care or adopted. It is sad to see someone else be able to have child after child, and not be able to take care of them. BUT, I have seen the other side and have seen a dear friend be able to have babies through that women’s bad choices. Prayers to you and your family, and even though I know being a mother figure isn’t the same, I hope you are able to find peace. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Mine is the heartache of “when your heart says lots of babies, and God says not even one”. All I ever wanted to be was a mommy. I didn’t marry until I was 37, but we were hopeful for children. By the time I was 43 I figured it was not going to happen. I know God is in control, and He knows best. Yet, I will never understand His choice to allow women living ungodly lives to have child after child, while others who only try to serve him have none. I have had people say to me that I have been a “mother-figure” to many children in my life, but that is cold comfort given by those who have their children. It is not the same.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your story! I have friends who have been blessed with 2 babies in 16 months through foster care (siblings, born 13 months apart). I know the blessing that foster care can be. I also know it is a heartache as they have seen some sad, sad situations.
This stood out to me:
” I’m learning to enjoy today and stop wishing for something I’m not sure is in our best interest. ”
That is what I need to learn as well! Thank you for stopping by and prayers to you and your family.
We are in a bit of a different position, as any kids being added to our home will be through foster care. Doesn’t mean I don’t get that feeling, just that there are more strings attached to it if it ever happens.
A few years ago we welcomed several different kids into our home, two have ended up staying forever, and life changed dramatically. I would love, love, love to have another little/young one in the house. I always wanted a large family. We don’t want to be done with two, nor with fostering, but are having to come to terms with that possibly being the reality that it is.
Various experiences recently highlighted how our kids’ previous experiences really shape how they react to things /change now. Also different personalities really make a difference in reactions. I learned alot about us as a family and as individuals. It was an important lesson I used about a month later. It also gave my husband and I a chance to talk about whether adding another kid or more at this time would be a good idea.
Another foster kid did come into our home, for a short time. It showed us that not all kids are so hard to raise, not all kids constantly test boundaries or need reminding of the rules every time you turn around. I love my kids, please don’t think otherwise, they are just very emotionally needy and that is our reality. I have not given up on the idea of more kids, there is still a drawer with smaller sized clothes and the knowledge that Spring will find us in a different place, with less stress, but know that may not be God’s plan. I’m learning to enjoy today and stop wishing for something I’m not sure is in our best interest. Learning. Not there yet. 🙂
My prayers have changed to “Lord, help me to be quiet about this. If you wish us to have more, place it on my husband’s heart and let him bring it up.” Took me years to get there, but that is often my prayer for things I know we disagree on.
Thanks for sharing openly about your feelings and thoughts. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and be open.
Oh, Courtney this comment made me tear up. I am so sorry for your loss, and it means a lot to me. Thank you for sharing your story. I have been overwhelmed by the number of people who have been there just like me. I think submission and trusting our husbands is something that we all struggle with. But, as you said, God made them the leaders of our homes for a reason, and even when we don’t agree we must trust their judgement. Again, thank you for stopping by and for your heart filled response!
Oh, my. I love this because I know exactly what you mean. I lost a baby between our 2nd and 3rd and had a difficult time with my last two pregnancies- #4 and 5. After our last was born, my husband was done because he was worried about me. I was definitely not done.
We really struggled. I was convicted that we shouldn’t limit our family size. He did not share that conviction. After lots of prayer- on both our parts- I was struck one day by the thought that my husband is the spiritual leader in our family and I needed to trust that. I knew that he was prayerful about it and wasn’t making a knee jerk decision. And even though I didn’t like what he was saying, I was really convicted that I needed to let him be the leader.
I told him, finally, that I realized his responsibility for leading our home and that I was going to defer to him even though I didn’t agree. And then- the hard part- I made up my mind to not be bitter or resentful.
He had a vasectomy, and our youngest is 9 now. I do know that it’s not always been easy. I’ve wanted babies at times, and I know the ache you mean. But I do always make a conscious decision to love and trust my husband despite it.
I can definitely relate to this post!
I came in to read as I was curious when I read your title. It is a great sharing. Thank you.. 🙂
With God’s help I am coming to peace with it. Did you check out part 2? It explains how I’m working through it. Thanks for stopping by!
http://findingjoyinthejourney.net/more-babies-but-your-spouse-says-no-part-2/
You have a very hard place right now.
I am so sorry.
Prayers Tammy! I am so glad you were encouraged by this post.
I’m so there. I want one or two more. Hubby is done. I just have to trust if God would allow us more He will work on my husbands hard. But the ache is hard. I look forwarded to reading your next post. Stopping by from #shinebloghop
This is a beautiful post. I have a two year old now and I’ve been itching for more as of lately. It’s not the best for us right now, but I can’t wait for when that day comes. I’m certain I’m always going to want more babies but 4 is my number right now. I love children and babies and I just know I’m going to have the most wonderful full family one day 🙂
Thank you Callie!
I completely understand “the ache” too…I am blessed by your words and the gentle reminder that I am not alone in this. Blessings to you and yours…
We only have one child so there will be more. We’re trying for #2 now because I felt like I have to have another baby now. It is crazy how strong this impulse, feeling or whatever you want to call it is. I’m sorry you won’t have any more kids but I’m glad you found your peace with it. I’m looking forward to part 2 to know how you did it.
#shinebloghop
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. I’m not in this situation (yet), but I can imagine how difficult it is to try to find peace and contentment when that ache is ever present. I look forward to reading more, and thank you for linking up with the #SHINEbloghop!
Thank you!! It’ll be up tomorrow 🙂
Oh I know! I have been absolutely blown away by the response to this post. It was heart wrenching to write, but the comments letting me know I’m not alone has made it worth it. Thanks for stopping by!
I’m kind of the same way. Husband is done. I’m not sure. I think he’s going to win this one though. And that’s okay 🙂
I have five children and still feel the ache at times. Especially around pregnant mothers or newborn babies. I’m sure it’s normal, but you’re right, you do have to learn to live with it for yourself. It’s nice to read these other comments though and know that many women feel this way! #shinebloghop
We’ve been in this place 4 times (once after every baby). I know that eventually my husband will actually be done and I’m already sad for that day. I have always wondered if I’d ever feel done…the ache is always there for me. I’m looking forward to reading part 2!
Beautiful words, and some that I have been contemplating in my head through my ache 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by!
Your welcome, and that is an excellent point! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Prayers! I’ve been there <3
Yea, the older Daniel gets the harder it is to imagine having another one. There is a 4 1/2 year age difference between him and my middle and I don’t think I’d want to do that again!
We’re in a “not now” waiting stage. After having 3 kids in 3 1/2 years, we just want a break. But the longer the baby break gets, the harder it is to imagine having more than just one more baby, especially for my husband. But the ache has started for me.
Such a timely article for me. The ache is in my heart. My husband and I are for the first time in our marriage pursuing a physical birth control option. But oh the ache is building and my baby is only 13 months old.
Oh, thanks so much for sharing so candidly about the ache in a mother’s heart! I have 5 kids, and even though we’re done (something I agreed to), I still wish for more. I often wondered the same thing that quote stated if that desire will ever go away, or if it’s supposed to. Yes, contentment is the key, just as Paul stated in Philippians that we can learn to be content in plenty & while in want/need (Philippians 4:11-12); then he immediately follows those claims with the secret to contentment–the infamous 4:13 verse…we can do all things through Christ’s strength. It’s not easy, but within our grasp. Thanks for sharing this!
Oh, The Ache. I think it reminds me that there are longings that are not fulfilled so that I will search for my greatest joy in Jesus. My husband and I talked about having 6 or more before we got married, but he changed his mind after 2 (…and then we had our third!). God often reminds me that he has put many other little ones in my life that I can invest in (nieces, babies of friends, etc) – that He desires that I love the children in my life now instead of spending precious minutes wanting more.
Thank you for sharing this!
~Lisha 🙂
Thank you for your nice words! It is so nice to know that I’m not alone in my feelings <3 Congrats on your new baby!
I completely understand “the ache.” I am pregnant with our second child. We have jokingly compromised on three as well, so I know this isn’t my last pregnancy, but oh my heart longs for four children!!! We will see where we are at a couple years from now, but I do understand that ache so well.
Oh, Jennifer I’m sorry! I have a friend who suffered from hypermemsis gravitatium (or something like that). Her husband did the same thing. She was on iv fluids most of her pregnancy with #2, and hospitalized off and on throughout both. Her body just couldn’t take pregnancy. She aches also. It is SO hard, and something that I think moms should talk about and share with each other more often. Thank you for your nice words!!
Such a beautiful and honest post. After my second daughter I wanted another baby. Well, actually, that’s not entirely true… while in labour with her I told my husband our family was done. However, the ache kicked in when she was about 1 1/2 years old but my husband absolutely was not having another baby. I realized that I couldn’t push this… and my second pregnancy and baby were super tough. My doctor even said I should stop after my second.
So my husband got “fixed”. I miss the baby ages and stages. I don’t think the ache will go away.
Looking forward to part 2.
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
Thanks for being so honest here. I’m learning what to expect when I get there someday.
I loved that post Sarah. Thank you so much for sharing! Did you ever do the follow up post on why you decided no more babies? I couldn’t find it. Contentment is a work in progress for me, so prayers appreciated <3
I know that ache! I’ve finally come to peace with however many kids we have and know that God is the one who is in control – whether it be by physically allowing me not to get pregnant again or by putting it on my husband’s heart that we are done. I have finally come to a place of contentment; praise God.
I wrote this post shortly after my last baby was born –
http://www.myjoyfilledlife.com/2012/12/26/reflection/
Yea, as soon as we got married I was like “lets have a baby”. I think God gives us that desire for a reason 🙂 So, no you are not insane!! LOL!
I love this post!
I’m not a momma yet, I’m not married yet, I definitely want kids after I marry Justin. So why is the ache there?! I LOVE babies, and if I was pregnant tomorrow I’d be SO happy. But, I know it isn’t the right time and we both want to be married first.
It’s good to hear that I’m not just insane – even moms WITH babies still have the urge for more.
Thank you for sharing your story! I believe God gives women that desire too. We have actually talked about adoption in the future. He is not against that at all, he just says not right now….which for him means it may never happen. I have friends who have expanded their family through adoption, it is a beautiful thing!
Thank you!! I always say were missing our 4th child in between # 2 and #3. I wanted 4 and all spaced 2 years apart.
I firmly believe God gives women a desire for children. Some women are better at suppressing it than others, but that pull is there for a reason: the survival of the human race.
We agreed on 6 kids before we got married. I brought 1 to our marriage. After baby 2, dh’s first baby, he was ready to be done, but I reminded him that he’d agreed to six. We lost one, then babies came every 18 months until we had a newborn, an 18 month old, a 3 year old, a 4.5 year old, a 6.5 year old, and a 10 year old. He was DONE.
When I turned up pg again, I knew he’d be unhappy. So I failed to mention it. For months.
After baby 7 was born (and he’s an absolute treasure!) dh ended the possibility of another surprise. When #7 was 4, God changed my husband’s heart, and our family pursued adoption.
We have 10 children now, our youngest has profound surprise special needs that we were not expecting. For the first time ever, I feel DONE. …And yet, I suspect that when a couple more of the big kids move out, we’ll find our way to foster care or exchange students or orphan hosting.
This is a beautiful post. Mine would be titled When Your Heart Says More Babies….But your Spouse wants to wait for a very very very long time.” lol. He’s finally come around to expanding the family again. Never dreamed that our kids would be at least 5 years apart and we might be stopping at 2 instead of the 4 I always assumed I would have.